How to Respond to Toddler Biting
Like all transition periods, the toddler years present challenging new situations for both growing children and adults. During those formative years, many families will experience toddler biting.
Learn all about toddler biting, from what causes toddlers to bite, to how to stop a toddler from biting.
If you feel perplexed about your toddler’s biting behavior, know that you’re not alone. When you perceive what appears to be toddler aggression, such as kicking, biting, or hitting, it’s natural to be worried! But at the same time, not all toddler biting is cause for concern. In this post, we’ll help you understand how to respond to toddler biting, including if and when to worry.
Why do toddlers bite?
In essence, toddlers bite to achieve their goals: to get a basic need met, or to cope with a difficult situation. Here are a couple of common situations that may cause toddler biting:
Your toddler is in pain.
When your little one is in pain, they may be more prone to biting. Biting can help relieve pain (or just distract from it). Biting is particularly common when young children are teething or have an earache.
Your toddler is overwhelmed.
Toddlers may bite when their big feelings overwhelm them, and they’re not able to control their behaviors. In these early years, toddlers are beginning to develop their ability to manage their emotions and behaviors, but they still are beginners!
Around here, we often say that all feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are okay. That applies to biting, too!
Toddlers are more likely to bite when they are overstimulated, like at the end of a birthday party. This type of behavior happens most commonly when they’re tired, hungry, in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people, or when they’re experiencing change or stress at home.
If biting is part of aggressive tantrums, it’s worth paying attention. You may want to take our free Tantrum Assessment to find out if your child’s tantrums are typical, or a sign of something more concerning.
They’re trying to communicate with you.
Due to their limited language skills, toddlers may express their feelings and needs more physically. Biting is one way they can do that. This type of biting typically resolves by 3 or 4 years old, as your child’s language skills develop. (Learn more about speech delays and biting.)
As discussed above, adults can sometimes understand biting as a way that toddlers might communicate their overwhelm. In other cases, biting may be a way for your child to communicate that they need your attention.
Your toddler is learning and exploring.
In the toddler years, your child is building their understanding of how the world around them operates. They may bite to try to learn about the cause-and-effect relationship between their behavior and yours.
Toddlers may also bite or chew to explore their world through their sense of taste and touch. They may put objects in their mouths to understand their environmental surroundings.
How to Respond to Toddler Biting
When your child bites, the first most important thing is for parents to remain calm and understand that the child isn’t intentionally being aggressive.
In this moment, empathy is key.
Remind yourself that when a child feels out of control, they don’t feel good. It can be scary and overwhelming. It’s so important that parents remain regulated in their emotions and behaviors, without either laughing or becoming angry, to help their child learn how to regulate their behaviors and emotions. It’s also important to remain loving and empathetic while setting a clear boundary.
If your toddler bites, your goal is to make it clear that it’s not acceptable, and that other ways exist for them to communicate their wants and needs.
When your child bites, here’s what to do:
Be firm and calm. Say something short and direct, like “no biting” or “we don’t bite.”
Empathize with your child’s feelings while setting limits on behaviors. All feelings are ok. Not all behaviors are ok.
Teach alternative strategies once your child is calm. For younger children, this might mean teaching them words like “no” or “please.”
Offer opportunities for a “re-do” or, as applicable, to apologize.
Notice what preceded the bite and look for patterns to be able to help your child before they bite next time!
If your child bit someone else, it’s important to check in with them quickly after the bite, and make sure they are okay. That can help model kindness and caring to young children who are still learning appropriate behavior.
It’s important to consistently reinforce the “no biting” rule by gently correcting the behavior every time your toddler bites.
We do not recommend that you bite your toddler in response to their biting to “show them how it feels.” That has the unintended consequence of teaching them that biting is actually okay. It’s also important that you don’t shame your toddler for their behavior; they’re doing their best to learn and grow, but it’s not easy!
Some families find that books can help children understand why biting isn’t allowed. A few options include:
“Teeth are Not for Biting” by Elizabeth Verdick and Marieka Heinlen
“No Biting, Louise” by Margie Palatini and Matthew Reinhart
“Little Dinos Don’t Bite” by Michael Dahl and Adam Michael Record
“No Biting” by Karen Katz
If you think the biting is primarily driven by your toddler’s big feelings, you may want to incorporate some books about dealing with emotions, too. One good example (of many) is “The Emotions Book: A Little Story About Big Emotions” by Liz Fletcher and Greg Bishop.
When to Worry about Toddler Biting
Does it seem like your child’s biting is a bit more than typical? Speak with your pediatrician or a solution like Little Otter if your child’s biting is frequent and not responsive to adult interventions, or if it continues past 4 years old without becoming better.
Biting can be a sign that a toddler has an underlying medical, developmental or mental health condition that should be addressed. Possible conditions include expressive language delays, sensory processing challenges, autism spectrum disorder, or anxiety.
If you want to get started with Little Otter, you can register for free here.
