How Can I Help My Grandson, Who is on the Autism Spectrum, Become More Flexible?

This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to Autism. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a grandparent seeking ways to support her grandson, who is on the Autism Spectrum. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“My grandson is on the Autism Spectrum, and is getting more and more rigid. He’s been distance learning since March 2019. What can you offer or suggest to help him be more flexible, and to help him and my daughter cope?”

- S., New York

Thank you so much for reaching out to gain support for your daughter and grandson. We know that distance learning has been difficult for all students, but specifically for students that rely on the structure of school as a part of their daily routine. 

Ensuring there is clear structure for the day is particularly helpful for individuals on the Autism Spectrum. Therefore, providing a predictable daily schedule for your grandson may be helpful with his rigid behavior. 

Although it may seem like providing more structure would reinforce his rigidity, it actually allows space to be more flexible within the task that you set up because the task itself is predictable. For example, reading a book can serve as a predictable activity or task, and your son can work on flexibility by allowing someone else to pick the book, instead of him. 

You can also let him help you build his schedule and determine the order in which he wants to do things for the day. This allows him some control over how his day is going, which may help him feel less of a need to control other areas (i.e., decrease rigidity). 

I would suggest using a visual schedule so he is able to see what to expect for the day. This could be written on a whiteboard or piece of paper, but ensure it is big enough for him to see. If he can not read, you can indicate daily activities with pictures of the people, places, or activities on his schedule, although this requires a bit more planning. 

While saying this, I recognize that unplanned things can happen during the day. You could indicate unexpected events by putting a star on his schedule, and working together on how you handle things when you don’t know what may happen next. These strategies can include taking deep breaths, counting to 10, asking questions to find out more information about the activity, holding an item he enjoys, etc. 

If you would like more specific feedback, please feel free to reach out to Little Otter and we will be happy to give you more individualized care and support.


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