When to Worry: Separation Anxiety During Back-to-School Season
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As summer winds down and the new school year approaches, children tend to experience a range of feelings. Some are excited to see their friends and teachers, some are eager to learn new topics. For some children, however, the prospect of separating from their caregivers as they head back to the classroom can trigger intense emotions. While some degree of separation anxiety is normal, especially for younger children, it's important for caregivers to recognize when these feelings might indicate a more serious concern.
Understanding Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is the fear and distress a child experiences when facing separation from a loved person, usually a caregiver. Dr. Helen Egger, co-founder of Little Otter, explains, "Early in life, most children experience some separation anxiety." This is a normal developmental phase that emerges around 7-9 months and usually resolves by age two.
However, some children continue to experience separation anxiety. Starting or returning to school can trigger or intensify separation anxiety in young children and older children. One of the most common anxiety disorders is separation anxiety disorder.
When to Worry: Key Indicators
As the new school year approaches, it's important to understand that separation anxiety, like all forms of anxiety, begins with a child's fears and worries, which are then expressed through their behaviors. Dr. Egger explains, "Like many things, there is a range in the intensity of a child's emotions and behavior when separating. These separation fears usually go down as the child grows."
Children may become upset when they are separated from a loved one or when encountering unfamiliar people. Younger children, who may lack the verbal skills to express their feelings, often show their distress through behaviors such as crying or reaching for their caregivers. It's also important to know that separation anxiety can manifest differently in each child, and is influenced by factors like temperament, distress tolerance, and family routines. Some children may exhibit mild, quiet anxiety, while others may display more intense reactions.
While some anxiety about starting or returning to school is normal, there are key indicators that caregivers should watch for to distinguish between typical back-to-school jitters and more concerning separation anxiety:
Intensity: Be alert to separation anxiety that is particularly intense and distressing for your child. If their emotional response seems disproportionate to the situation, it may be cause for concern.
Avoidance: Pay attention if your child starts actively avoiding school or other activities that involve separation. This could include making excuses not to go to school or resisting situations where they'll be apart from you.
Pervasiveness: Concerning separation anxiety occurs almost every time the child faces or even thinks about separation. If your child consistently becomes anxious about going to school or being away from you, rather than just occasionally, it's worth noting.
Uncontrollability: When a child's anxiety becomes overwhelming to the point that neither their caregivers nor other adults can soothe them or help them regulate their emotions, it's a sign that the anxiety has become unmanageable for the child.
Persistence: If separation anxiety persists beyond the typical adjustment period (usually a few weeks into the school year) or if an older child doesn't "grow out" of separation anxiety as expected, it may indicate a more serious issue. Be particularly mindful if the anxiety has been ongoing for more than a month.
Impairment: Consider whether the separation anxiety is interfering with your child's daily functioning or development, or if it's disrupting family life. This could include difficulty participating in school activities, making friends, or engaging in age-appropriate tasks independently.
When separation anxiety exhibits some or all of these features, it's important to delve deeper into understanding what your child is feeling and experiencing. This insight is critical for providing the right support and, if necessary, seeking professional help to address the anxiety effectively.
Remember, every child is unique, and these indicators should be considered in the context of your child's overall behavior and development. If you're unsure about your child's separation anxiety, we’re here to help at Little Otter.
Impact on Child and Family
Severe separation anxiety can have significant impacts. It may lead to school refusal, affecting a child's education and social development. For families, it can also create stress and disruption in daily routines.
Prevention Strategies
Taking proactive measures can significantly ease the back-to-school transition and mitigate separation anxiety before it becomes a more serious issue.
Practice separations gradually before school starts: Begin with short periods apart and gradually increase the duration. This helps your child build confidence in your return and their ability to cope independently.
Establish predictable goodbye rituals: Creating a special way you say goodbye to each other, such as with a special hug, words, or gestures like putting your hands together to make a heart, can help with separation.
Talk openly about school and what to expect: Discuss the school day, activities, and any potential challenges that you foresee coming up in your little one’s school day. This helps demystify the school experience for them and allows you to address any concerns your child may have.
Visit the school and meet teachers ahead of time if possible: Familiarizing your child with their new environment ahead of time can significantly reduce their anxiety. Meeting teachers beforehand can also help your child feel more comfortable on the first day.
Maintain a calm and positive attitude about the upcoming change: Children often pick up on parental anxiety. By modeling confidence and enthusiasm about school, you’ll help shape your child's perspective positively.
When and How to Seek Help
If your child's separation anxiety persists beyond the first month of school, is extremely distressing, or significantly disrupts daily life, it may be time to seek professional help. Pediatricians, school counselors, or child mental health specialists can provide guidance and support.
At Little Otter, we understand the complexities of separation anxiety, and our team of licensed therapists, psychiatrists, and parenting specialists is equipped to provide comprehensive support for your whole family.
Treatment Options
Treatment for separation anxiety often involves cognitive-behavioral therapy techniques that help children manage their anxiety. In some cases, family therapy or parental guidance may also be beneficial.
Tips for Caregivers
Supporting a child with separation anxiety as they return to school can be challenging, but there are several strategies caregivers can employ to help:
Listen and validate: Take your child's feelings seriously and show that you understand them. This creates a safe space for your child to express their anxieties. Remember, acknowledgment doesn't mean agreement – you're simply showing your child that their feelings matter.
Foster coping skills, not avoidance: While it's tempting to shield your child from anxiety-provoking situations, this can reinforce their fears. Instead, acknowledge and empathize with their anxiety without jumping to reassurances or problem-solving. Express confidence in their ability to manage their anxiety and assure them of your support.
Manage your own anxiety: Children easily pick up on their caregivers’ emotions. If you're feeling anxious about the separation, your child may sense this and become more anxious themselves. Focus on managing your own anxiety and don't hesitate to seek help if you feel overwhelmed.
Consider professional help: Childhood anxiety is very responsive to treatment. If your child's anxiety is severe or persistent, consider talking to a mental health provider. About 1% of elementary and middle school children develop school refusal, a severe form of school anxiety that requires prompt treatment to prevent adverse impacts on the child's social, emotional, and academic development, so it’s important to seek help early.
Trust your instincts: If you have concerns about your child and school, take steps to address them. You know your child best. If something doesn't feel right, it's worth investigating further.
Remember, it's okay to seek help. Resources like Little Otter are available to provide support and guidance as you navigate your child's separation anxiety. With the right approach and support, most children will learn to manage their separation anxiety and thrive in school.
While some anxiety about returning to school is completely normal, persistent and intense separation anxiety may require additional support. By recognizing the signs early and seeking help when it’s needed, caregivers can help their children navigate this season and build resilience for the future.
Whether you have concerns about back-to-school season or any other aspect of your child’s mental health, Little Otter helps families understand “when to worry.” Our mental health providers will help you determine if your child’s anxiety is concerning and provide personalized strategies and treatment options to support their emotional well-being. Get started with Little Otter below!