As a child therapist, I often find myself exploring the complexity of the tween and teen mind in session with parents and caregivers—the constant push and pull of independence and insecurity. Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson captured this tension in his theory of psychosocial development, describing adolescence as the stage where young people begin to form their own identity.
No piece of media captures the complexity of the teen mind more powerfully right now than Adolescence, Netflix’s new series that tells the heart-wrenching story of 13-year-old Jamie, who is arrested for the murder of his classmate, Katie. As the series unfolds, it takes us deep into Jamie’s world. We see how his adolescent brain, the toxic influence of online subcultures like the ‘manosphere’, and the complexity of teen mental health contributed to Jamie’s extreme act of violence. In the end, Jamie pleads guilty to Katie’s murder and leaves his family to confront the profound and painful aftermath, forcing us all to question: how can it get to this point?
I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not an easy watch. And that’s exactly why it matters.
While the story in Adolescence may be fictional and extremist, the themes the series wrestles with are very real; ones I see regularly in my practice as a therapist. Here are my key takeaways from Adolescence for parents looking to support and understand their own teens.
The Adolescent Brain: All Speed, No Brakes
There are two major growth spurts in brain development: early childhood and, you guessed it, adolescence. In early childhood, toddlers are just beginning to learn how to communicate and regulate their emotions. Their brains are rapidly building connections, but they don’t yet have the tools to understand or appropriately express complex feelings. Their frustration often shows up as tantrums, meltdowns, or big emotional swings.
Adolescents are experiencing a similar kind of neurological remodeling, just with higher stakes, across settings like school and social relationships. The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for logic, planning, and impulse control, is still under construction. Meanwhile, the limbic system, which drives emotion, reward-seeking, and social sensitivity, is fully online. That imbalance can make teens feel things more intensely, take risks more impulsively, and swing from one emotional state to another in a matter of minutes. That’s why we say that the teenage brain is all speed, no brakes. While their actions and behavior may seem irrational, they’re actually developmental.
As a therapist, the show’s depiction of the adolescent brain, particularly in episode three, holds incredible value for parents. We see a heightened representation of the all speed, no brakes mode as Jamie meets with a female clinical psychologist, Briony Ariston. Jamie is on an emotional rollercoaster, shifting from joking with Briony to seething with anger in a matter of seconds.
It’s a dramatic portrayal of how the teenage brain struggles to manage deep vulnerability while also mimicking behaviors they may absorb from peers or online influences. Jamie is clearly caught between his desire to present as a mature young man and his overwhelming fear and confusion about the situation he’s in—unsure how to move forward.
While teenagers learn more about the world, they are grabbing bits and pieces and integrating it into their psyche. They may act as if they do not care what others think of them, but they care deeply. They may try to put on a brave face to the world around them to match the identity they are developing but they are still children, and their brains are highly sensitive to the information presented around them, both positive and negative.
Social Media Is the Amplifier
In Adolescence, social media isn’t necessarily the cause of teen distress, but it is the amplifier. It magnifies what teens already feel: insecurity, pressure to belong, and the urgent need to be seen, while simultaneously giving them access to all kinds of content, including extreme subcultures.
I don’t blame any parent for feeling overwhelmed by the topic of boundaries around social media; it's emotionally loaded and constantly evolving. But I encourage you to frame phone boundaries as a conversation about safety and trust, not surveillance.
How to Create Phone Boundaries with Your Teen
I’ve found the following techniques to be useful when establishing boundaries around social media and general phone use.
1. Treat it like any new environment. You wouldn’t drop your child off at a party full of strangers without knowing who’s there and what’s going on. The same principle applies to their phone. It’s not about control — it’s about care.
2. If you’re paying, you get access. A rule I often share with parents is this: if you’re footing the bill for the phone and its service, you have every right to know how it’s being used. That doesn't mean reading every message, but it does mean staying informed and involved. I always explain this as a way to keep teens safe from others, not as a way to monitor the teen, to help ease the discomfort.
3. If your teen is on social media, you should be too. One of my favorite strategies is for parents and teens to follow each other. This opens a line of connection that’s light and organic — even something as simple as sharing memes or puppy videos can positively influence their algorithm and give you a window into their world.
4. Set screen time limits with empathy. Boundaries aren’t punishments — they’re scaffolding. Explain the why behind the limits: not because you don’t trust them, but because their developing brains need guardrails to stay healthy.
5. Offer other outlets for privacy. Teens crave and deserve privacy — and I fully support that. But privacy doesn’t have to live inside their phones. Encourage private spaces like journaling or solo walks. Give them time alone with their friends while in a controlled and monitored setting like your home. These allow for autonomy while still keeping digital spaces safely monitored.
The Mental Health Crisis in Teen Boys
One of the most heart-wrenching elements of Adolescence is how teen boys struggle to articulate their pain. They lash out, withdraw, joke, but rarely say “I’m hurting.” We call this masked distress. Unfortunately, boys are socialized to express emotion through action, not words. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling deeply.
Despite the constant connection of social media, Adolescence shows just how alone teens can feel. Loneliness is a powerful predictor of depression, substance use, and even suicide.
Tips of Navigating Your Teen’s Mental Health
- Normalize emotional language. Encourage open communication of feelings in your home, even when the feelings aren’t comfortable.
- Model vulnerability. If you name your feelings, your kids learn it’s safe to do the same.
- Use media as a bridge. Whether it’s Stranger Things or Sex Education, comment on what you see, “Did you notice how he shut down when he felt embarrassed? Gosh, when I get embarrassed, I immediately call my friend so we can laugh it off together.”
- Create regular “unstructured” time together. There’s no agenda, just presence. Keep your focus on your teen and show interest in whatever they are interested in, even if you hate it or don’t understand it. I have learned more about anime, football, music editing, and cars than I ever thought I would know, just by listening to my teen clients.
- Build family rituals. Small, repeated moments that foster belonging.
Parenting Teens: 4 Things That Actually Help
I know that parenting teens isn’t easy. You want to support them without overstepping. I’ve found that these four strategies can truly shift the dynamic:
- Ask questions that start with “How did that feel?” instead of “Why did you do that?”
- Let them teach you something—a game, a trend, a hobby—and listen with genuine interest.
- Don’t treat emotions as problems to fix. Validate first, guide second.
- Get professional help early. You don’t have to wait for a crisis to reach out.
At Little Otter, we understand the rollercoaster that is parenting a teen. Our clinical team provides personalized, compassionate mental health support for kids, teens, and their families — all from the comfort of your home.
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Whether you’re navigating meltdowns, mood swings, or the quiet withdrawal that’s easy to miss — we’re here to help.
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