6 FAQs about Supporting Your Child’s Gender and Sexual Identity

Pride Month offers us a perfect opportunity to celebrate love and families of all kinds. In honor of Pride, the team at Little Otter is grateful for the chance to contribute to a critical conversation about gender identity and expression.

Today, we’re answering 6 common questions to provide ways to support your child’s gender and sexual identity.

These are important - and frequent - questions about talking to kids about gender expression, gender identity, and sexuality.

Why is it important to talk with children about gender and sexual identity?

Research shows that children begin learning about gender and sexuality very early, and have internalized beliefs as early as age 5. At that age, children have already formed strong ideas about which behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable based on one’s gender. 

Gender and sexuality are important parts of our identity. While talking about these topics can feel uncomfortable, it shows your little one that you’re a safe person for them to communicate with and trust.

Are LGBTQ+ children at risk for mental health concerns?

When children’s interests and abilities are counter to the gender rules they’ve learned, self-esteem may suffer and developmental exploration can become constricted.

The truth is, LGBTQ+ kids are at increased risk for mental health challenges, especially related to anxiety and depression. 

The CDC reports that they are twice as likely to report experiencing persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness than their heterosexual peers. Transgender youth also face increased disparities being twice as likely to experience depressive symptoms, seriously consider suicide, and attempt suicide compared to cisgender lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, and questioning youth. We have to provide quality care and highlight these disparities year-round, not just during Pride Month. 

Does Little Otter work with families around sexuality and/or gender identity conversations? 

Yes, Little Otter works with families on topics related to sexuality and gender identity.  LO is affirming, inclusive, and adhere to recommended best practices for serving non-conforming, gay and questioning children.

Little Otter gives children and their entire families a safe space to grow and understand their true selves.  

Our comprehensive mental health check-up & evidenced-based evaluations assist in identifying your child’s and family's goals related to both gender identity and sexual orientation. Via our mental health team, we work with your child and family to build a greater understanding of gender and sexual identity while addressing mental health challenges that we know can accompany our LGBTQ+ communities such as anxiety, depression, non-suicidal self-injurious behaviors, and suicidal ideation. 

What age do you typically see children starting to explore this?

We know that even in the most supportive and loving families, it can be confusing when a child is navigating their own gender identity and/or sexual orientation or learning about and the identities of family members and peers. This can start at a preschool age in some cases. We also know that bullying and mental health challenges are more common in LGBTQ+ youth. 

What do you think of schools banning curriculum around LGBTQ and gender identity and exploration?

Children need a safe and nurturing environment to explore gender and gender expression. Given that children begin to explore gender identity as early as 3 years of age, it is important that children are supported in exploring different language, activities, interests, and behaviors - even at school.

When we ban language and this exploration, we are actually signaling that there is something wrong or something to be shameful about, thus increasing bias in our communities.  This can lead to mental health challenges such as anxiety, and depression to name just a few.

The bottom line is when someone says “age-appropriate,” it truly does need to be scientifically age-appropriate and these bans are not that and have the potential to further exacerbate not only our LGBTQ+ community's mental health crisis but our nation’s. 

What should I say/do if my child begins to question his/her sexuality and/or gender identity?

Communicate acceptance, offer support,  and learn together. There is a robust body of research,  practical information, and advocacy services available online to encourage ongoing dialogue with your child. 

Even if you're not sure what to say, something as simple as, "I'm here for you. I love you, and I will support you no matter what" is an important place to start.

Remember, the most important thing you can do in these conversations is to be honest. 

As your child grows and matures, they’ll know that you’re someone they can turn to for help and clarity.

Little Otter is here to support your family. We have a gender-diverse group of child mental health professionals with experience in helping families navigate gender identity and exploration.

If you’d like additional support for family in discussing and exploring gender identity and sexuality, we offer parent coaching sessions as well as child and family therapy.