The term “self-love” is much more than a buzzword. Self-love (and its close cousin, self-compassion) are essential for the mental health of kids, families, and adults.

Today, we’ll be sharing more about why self-love is so important for the wellbeing of your entire family.

But first, we want to address a common misconception:

Some people may believe that self-love is selfish. The reality is, it’s the exact opposite. Self-love enables us to love others more fully.

Showing yourself love models the self-nurturance and compassion that we want our children and our loved ones to develop. 

It’s important to remember that, while it’s so important to cultivate self-love in children, it’s also essential to cultivate self-love in parents. Many parents focus on their love for their children and their family, and neglect caring for themselves. How can you love others unconditionally if you don’t love yourself unconditionally?

So first, what is self-love?

Self-love encompasses different aspects: self-awareness of one’s needs, the belief that we are worthy of love, your opinion of yourself and your worthiness of respect, how you take care of yourself. 

Self-compassion is key to self-love. Self-compassion is as simple and as difficult as being kind and understanding toward ourselves when we fail, feel inadequate, or are in pain. 

Self-love has a direct, positive relationship with mental health. 

Self-compassion interventions have been shown to significantly improve a variety of mental health challenges, including eating behaviors, stress, depression, anxiety, and self-criticism.

Here are 4 actionable tips for cultivating self-compassion in children, adults, and your family. 

These tips can encourage everyone in your family to develop a more loving relationship with themselves, and in turn, those around them.

1. Remember, self-care is just love.

It’s about treating yourself like you love yourself, and showing your children how to do that, too. Again, self-care isn’t selfish; it allows us to love and nurture our children, and ourselves.

Think about an emergency on the plane: parents are told to put on their own oxygen masks first, so they can effectively help their children.

Mental health professionals can help parents to care for themselves and practice self-love, which in turn allows them to be better able to nurture their children. This is particularly relevant during severe adversity like the pandemic.  

2. Keep a sense of perspective.

Reflect for a moment on an act of love you’ve experienced from a loved one. It could be a morning coffee from your partner, or a sweet gift created for you by your child. Look at yourself through the eyes of that person. Commit to treating yourself with the same loving kindness that you felt during that moment.

You can also cultivate perspective by checking in with yourself and asking: “How am I doing? How does my body feel? Do I need anything? Is there something I can do that would make me feel even a little bit better?” Encourage your little ones to check in with themselves, too.

3. Tame self-criticism.

Self-criticism is associated with many mental health disorders; compassion and emotion-focused therapy can reduce self criticism. Again, perspective can help you manage self-criticism. When you berate or criticize yourself, ask: “Would I talk to my child that way? Would I talk to a friend that way?” Try to speak to yourself with kindness, acknowledging that the self-critical part is there. Approach yourself with kindness and compassion for that suffering part of yourself that is hurting you and being unkind. 

Research shows that compassion- and emotion-focused therapy can reduce self-criticism. (If you’re interested in exploring therapy, you can register for Little Otter here.)

4. Try to be present and practice self-compassion.

Self-compassion means being open and present to our own experience and suffering, as well as the experience and suffering of others. We often want to ignore, push down, or avoid our suffering, or the suffering of others. Mindful attention where we observe, rather than respond to or judge our feelings or thoughts, can help to ground us in the present and connect compassionately with our experiences.

If self-love feels difficult, that’s okay. Loving yourself isn’t always easy.

For many, cultivating a strong sense of self-love takes practice, intention, and awareness. That said, practicing self-love and cultivating it in your family can lead to healthier, happier relationships. And sometimes, a little extra support can go a long way.

Little Otter’s team of child and family mental health experts are here to support your entire family’s well-being.

We do provide therapy and guidance rooted in compassion, and informed by research.

If you’re interested in learning more about how Little Otter can support your family in developing more loving relationships, our team of experts in child, family, and couples counseling is here to help.