7 Tips for Talking about War with Children
In light of the conflict in Ukraine, we understand you may be having conversations with children about war and conflict.
For both adults and children, war brings up so many big emotions: fear, anger, worry, and sadness. During these uncertain times, parents are left to makes sense of what is happening and manage their own feelings, while helping their children navigate their understanding of the situation and their feelings.
With that in mind, we wanted to provide a little bit of support for families during this time. So we asked Dr. Helen Egger, Little Otter's co-founder and Chief Medical and Scientific Officer, about how to talk with your children about war.
Here are 7 tips for how to talk with your children about war.
It is important to realize that children’s developmental stage and age will impact what they understand and how you should support them. However, the tips here can help to support children of all ages.
One more gentle reminder from Dr. Helen: it’s important to remember that not having control over what is outside of us does not mean we have no control over our feelings and how we manage uncertainty as parents. These tips are designed to help you do just that.
Listen to your kids: First, if they want to talk, make sure to listen. Don't force them to have a conversation until they seem ready.
Support them in expressing feelings through writing, play, or drawing: These indirect ways of communicating can provide an important window into what they're experiencing. Again, try to listen and don't assume you know what they're thinking or feeling.
Do your best to answer their questions: Try to answer your child's questions while recognizing that answers should be appropriate for their developmental stage or age. Be consistent and authentic; children know when you're not being honest with them. Be aware of misconceptions they may have from listening to the news or other grown-ups talking. Finally, know you'll need to have more than one conversation, so keep the door open.
Help your child understand the context: For example, your little one might not know where Ukraine is, and might feel the war will come to their home. Be mindful that war, terrorism, and other public traumas can trigger memories or feelings from trauma a child has experienced. Be on the lookout for your child to become withdrawn, preoccupied with worried, depressed or have trouble sleeping or eating. Seek help if needed.
Limit exposure to media and adult conversations: Children are always listening, and might be afraid or misinterpret adult conversations. It's important for you to be candid with them about the events, while also emphasizing the sensationalism of the media.
For older children, consider their media exposure: Older children most likely have heard of the war, and may even have come across inaccurate information. It's critical to discuss how the media (including social media) presents certain events for the sake of viewership and clicks. This will help your children rationalize what they're being exposed to and will be exposed to regarding the war and other subjects.
Let children be children and protect them: Let children (and yourself) be joyful even amidst sad and troubling times.
Parents and caregivers can help kids understand what they are hearing and seeing, talk about their different emotions, and find ways to manage together. We hope these practical tips help you and your family navigate these dark times.
The last few years have been really tough on families. The pandemic has already pushed the pediatric mental health crisis to become a national emergency. Last year, Little Otter did a study of kids 2-12 years old and found 80% of the children were at increased risk for anxiety and depression.
If you feel you might benefit from additional support, Little Otter is here to help.
