How Many Gifts Should You Give Kids for the Holidays?
Whether you look forward to the holidays, dread them, or find them a mix of joyful and stressful (hello!), one of the biggest challenges is gift-giving. How many gifts should you give a child? What kinds of gifts are the most meaningful? How can we show our love and affection for each other without getting overwhelmed by cost and complexity? The good news is that child development and mental health experts do have insights that can help families navigating gift-giving this season.
Today, you’ll learn:
How many gifts to give a child and why.
How can parents think about “naughty or nice” gift-giving?
Is over-gifting a problem?
How to approach giving limits or gift budgets within your family.
Tips for teaching children how to give - and receive - gifts.
A gentle reminder about giving this season.
One more loving reminder: gifting isn’t a sport of numbers! At their best, gifts are a way to celebrate those you love.
How many gifts should you give your children for the holidays?
There’s no “right” number of gifts. Gifts aren’t really about the material present, but about relationships. They reflect and honor caring, empathy, and kindness.
“A successful gift says, ‘I know who you are and what you like,” shared Dr. Helen Egger, renowned child psychiatrist and Little Otter’s co-founder.
For younger children, less is often more. That’s because younger children can get easily overwhelmed. Dr. Egger noted that most babies and toddlers will be happy with one or two gifts, and will play with the boxes and wrapping paper as happily as toys. (Anyone who’s seen a small child play with mulch knows that it’s not really about the bells and whistles.)
Older children may benefit from wish lists, so they can focus on specific wants. Think about categories of presents to provide some framing. For example, books, clothing, things they need, and toys they want. This is important as families are flooded with advertisements during the holidays. Talk with your child to make sure they understand that having a wish list doesn’t mean they’ll get everything on their list.
How can parents think about “naughty or nice” gifts this year?
On this point, Dr. Egger is clear: “I do not think parents should link gifts to a child’s behavior. You don’t want to give your child the message that they need to be worthy of receiving a present.”
“This approach makes gift-giving transactional,” she added. “[It sends the message that] you must do ‘X’ to deserve my love.”
Gifts are about love, not a reward. Maybe it’s time to retire the “naughty or nice” trope in your family conversations, even if it does make for cute Christmas songs.
Is over-gifting a problem?
Yes, there can be too much of a good thing. When children are flooded with lots of gifts, it becomes difficult for them to appreciate each gift. It also may send the message that more is better.
No amount of presents can accurately reflect how much we love our little ones, but it is tempting to shower them with presents. Keep in mind that it’s not just about parents and caregivers - you may also have to set expectations with eager grandparents and doting relatives.
How can parents set gift-giving limits and approach gifting budgets?
Do your best to develop a clear understanding of your holiday gift budget as parents, and set expectations with other family members. This is especially important during these difficult, uncertain economic times, but it’s important in stable economic circumstances, too. Why? Because gifting isn’t just about the money. Giving and receiving gifts is a way to reflect your family’s values, and teach them to your children.
You can do this by planning time to talk as a family about your gift-giving values and holiday schedules. Engage your children in this discussion.
How young should children begin giving holiday gifts?
Dr. Egger recommends that even the youngest children in the family should have the opportunity to give gifts to others. For family members, this can be a picture drawn by the child, a craft made with parents, or a small sweet.
“Teaching your children how to pick gifts for others involves putting themselves in another person’s shoes – ‘what would this person like? How can I make them happy?’” Dr. Egger advised. “These experiences build a child’s capacity for empathy, for kindness, and social connection. These are the qualities that are linked with lifetime happiness and well-being.”
Think about giving beyond your family. For example, your family could volunteer with a community organization, or select angels or stars from a community tree to give.
A 2020 study found that spending money on others–prosocial spending–promoted greater happiness than spending on ourselves. A 2006 MRI study found that charitable donations activated the pleasure and reward parts of the brain.
How can parents help children receive gifts well?
Again, gifting is a way to teach family values, such as kindness, generosity, and thoughtfulness, to name a few. With that in mind, it’s important to help children learn how to not only give gifts, but also to receive them.
“I personally believe that presents should be opened one at a time, and the giver, if they are present, thanked,” shared Dr. Helen Egger. “Teach your child how to react to a gift that they don’t like. Help them to understand that a person’s intention matters more than the gift. Saying thank you and expressing gratitude is not ‘lying,’ but rather an important social skill that takes into account the gift-giver’s feelings.”
She recommends making sure to teach your child about writing thank you notes, or making thank you phone calls, too.
“As is always true, it is also important how we model giving and receiving for our children,” Dr. Egger added. “They will learn from what we do as we give and receive gifts more than from what we tell them to do!”
Dr. Egger had one final gentle insight to share with parents:
“We all carry the memories and scars of our own childhoods. Parents who are able to reflect on their experiences receiving and giving gifts when they were young will be able to be present and engaged in gift-giving with their children. It can be easy to unconsciously be trying to ‘make up for’ disappointments in your childhood by overwhelming your children with gifts or experiences you wish that you’d had. These are important memories and experiences for you. There’s great value in working through them in therapy, so that you can put them in the past and not let them impact your present experiences as a parent and the present needs of your children.”
As you navigate giving this season, please know that Little Otter is here to support your family. You can register to join Little Otter, explore our free resources, or even shop for mindfulness gifts for kids.
