My 10-Year-Old Son Struggles to Express His Anger and Anxiety Constructively. Any Advice?
This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to anger and anxiety. Please take care when reading.
We recently received a question from a parent looking for guidance on how to help their child express anger and anxiety more constructively. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:
“My 10-year-old son is having extreme anxiety and anger issues. He needs help expressing his feelings in a constructive way and tools on how to process them. Any suggestions?
My ex husband and I got divorced a year ago, and both of us have started dating. This might have something to do with my son’s anxiety and anger, but I’m not sure.”
- S., Nevada
Thank you for reaching out to us about your concerns. It sounds like you are worried because of the intensity of your son’s anxiety and anger.
As a parent, worrying about your child is completely normal and common when your child is exhibiting behaviors you are unsure how to support.
You may also be noticing that he does not articulate these feelings with words, but instead expresses them with negative behavior.
When you talk about tools to process his feelings, and the context of you and your son’s father starting to date other people, I wonder if you are concerned that your son’s struggles are connected to feelings he may have about the divorce or the idea that his parents are dating other people.
Without talking to you or your son, I can only make general comments that I hope will help you:
First, there is a relationship between anger and anxiety. When both are intense, they can lead to irritability with anger outbursts. During these moments of heightened feelings, children can say things that sound really terrible. Oftentimes they do not mean these things; they are generally imagining the worst and then expressing it. For example, an anxious child who is seeing his mom date might be thinking, “My mom will love someone more than she loves me,” or he might be imagining another worst case scenario that reflects his particular fears.
Second, you are right when you state that your son could benefit from tools to help him better express his negative feelings. It will be important to help him take a moment to calm down, identify his feelings, and consider his options. We also know that taking deep breaths, taking a moment to himself, or otherwise creating some distance can all be useful strategies.
Third, if you feel that you would like some support in learning tools to help your son in his moments of increased anger, or if you would like him to talk with a trained professional about some of the things he is feeling about the divorce, his parents dating, or other general stressors, we can offer help at Little Otter.
Please do not hesitate to contact us at Little Otter. Or, you can begin the registration to join Little Otter here.
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