My Daughters Stopped Sharing a Room & Now My 8-Year-Old Cries Herself to Sleep. Help!
This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with issues related to siblings and sleep challenges. Please take care when reading.
One parent recently wrote in, asking about how to help her youngest daughter sleep better. Here’s a response from Little Otter’s team of experts.
“My youngest daughter, who’s 8, shared a room with her older sister for most of her life. We finally finished converting the attic into a bedroom for our teenage daughter.
It's been about a week, and my 8-year-old cries herself to sleep every night. I go in to hug her and talk gently, and she tells me she’s lonely. No matter how long I stay in there, she’s still crying when I leave. It breaks my heart. What can I do to help?”
- C., Maine
Thank you for contacting Little Otter with your concern. This is a huge change for your youngest daughter: she is losing the roommate that she has had since birth.
While your 15-year-old is probably more than ready to have her own space and privacy, your 8-year-old is at a completely different developmental stage.
The most natural thing for someone her age would be to continue sharing a room with her sister. She is also your only prepubescent child, and it’s very likely that she notices that her siblings, even if they are the kindest teenagers in the world, are pursuing different interests and probably find her too young for many things. They may also share a common humor particular to tweens and teens, which often excludes younger children.
I would recommend that you explain to her that, even though her siblings love her very much, this is a time where she may feel more isolated. It’s very important that she spend more time with friends her own age, as it will be a few years before she joins her siblings in the teen club.
I realize as I write this that Covid-19 may have made spending time with friends her own age more difficult. You can talk about that, too, and promise to help her organize play dates and get-togethers with same-age peers.
It is very important to normalize that she is at a different stage than her siblings, and explain that they need more privacy than she does. You may need to have more mother-daughter special times to satisfy her need for connectedness until she gets used to her new situation. You could also propose redecorating her room according to her taste now that it is hers alone. That way, it is as if both of your daughters are getting their own rooms.
I will also say that it is wonderful that you have such good communication with your daughter, and it’s great that she can share her emotions and feelings with you so freely.
I hope your daughter feels better soon.
Do you have a question you’d like to ask a child psychologist?
Submit your questions here. Remember, you can choose to remain anonymous if you’d prefer.
