I’m Worried I’m Projecting My Own Trauma Onto My Daughter. Any Advice?

This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to trauma and abuse. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a mom worried about the impact of trauma and abuse on her daughter. Below is the question, and a response from our child mental health experts:

“I’m worried about the amount of my own trauma I'm projecting onto my 7-year-old daughter. My father is emotionally abusive, and my daughter and I lived with him for essentially her whole life. I’ve noticed that my daughter and I sometimes have similar responses; in myself, I recognize them as trauma responses. I’m wondering whether they are the same for her, or if they’re just learned behaviors to get her way? We moved out about 4 months ago now and I'm still trying to get her to hear the word ‘no’ without throwing a fit.”

- A., Kansas

Thank you for reaching out. Trauma has a way of making us feel alone in the world, so it is important that you ask this question. It is also very conscientious of you to recognize that your daughter may be impacted by your emotional responses, as you may also be by hers.

It is good to hear that you and your daughter moved out of the abusive environment.

In short: yes, the trauma responses likely followed you, as they typically do. However, you now have the space and distance you both need to focus on healing.

If you feel like your family may be in need of more support, I recommend contacting a child therapist in order to help you through this transitional period. If you have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us at Little Otter.

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