This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to postpartum depression. Please take care when reading.

One mother wrote in asking about the potential impact of postpartum depression on her children. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“I’m concerned that my depression has impacted how my children respond to me. My 3-year-old son ignores me when I volunteer at his school. My 15-month-old daughter runs from me when she gets hurt, instead of coming to me for a hug or kiss.

I had postpartum depression when pregnant with my daughter, and I’m worried that my depression ruined her! I got help and therapy, and feel better, but now I am feeling guilty. Can you provide some guidance?”

- N., Texas

Thank you for sharing your concerns. I am so glad to hear that you got help when you needed it and feel better overall.

It sounds like you are wondering whether your young children’s behaviors are normal or not, and you harbor some guilt about getting depressed and anxious postpartum, and that it may have been detrimental for your children.

Regarding your young children: depending on the contexts, their behaviors may be completely normal. Your three year-old son may love school and be absorbed in his activities. He may also compartmentalize school and home, a coping skill to avoid missing his family much during the day; ignoring you would be part of this behavior. 

Your daughter is at an age where saying no to you and asserting independence is part of normal development (some children start this a little earlier than others).

To reframe things a little: you are an awesome mother for getting help when you need it and your children are lucky that you took care of yourself. That was the best thing you could do for them.

There is a lot of pressure on moms to be perfect and many moms, like you, experience some guilt when they feel they have not met those (imaginary) perfection standards. 

If this guilt is coloring your experience as a mom, or if you feel that your children perhaps exhibit these behaviors in ways that do not fit what I described, please know that Little Otter could be very helpful to put the things that may impact your family dynamics in perspective and help you have a more joyful parenting experience.

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