Does My Grandson Have Aggressive Tantrums Because He Witnessed Abuse?
This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to anger, aggression, and abuse. Please take care when reading.
One grandparent wrote in with concerns about their grandson’s aggressive outbursts. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:
“My grandson is just over 2 years old. His parents always argue and sometimes it gets physical. He is almost always so happy, but the outbursts he does have get aggressive—yelling and throwing things, etc. He’s the smartest, happiest boy, but has watched mom be controlled and abused verbally, mentally and physically. I’m worried that this might be why his frustration sometimes turns a little ugly. Thoughts?”
- A., Florida
Thank you for contacting us.
I’m glad to hear that despite witnessing difficult things, your grandson is generally well-adjusted. You are right that such events are recorded by little brains and may manifest, especially when they are stressed.
Related to that, it is normal for children around 2 years old to have outbursts when they are frustrated (for instance wanting something and not getting it or being tired, hungry, or feeling ashamed and inadequate because they are not able to achieve a goal.) It is not unusual for them to yell at these times. It is also not that unusual for little children to kick, throw, and punch.
However, you are right, especially if these outbursts are daily or almost, that it can also be a sign that your grandson observed certain behaviors and was impacted by them.
However, it is not a very specific sign. For instance, it could be related to environmental changes, (for example, if he now lives with you and lived with his mom and dad before), or other things (e.g., worry about his mom if she is not doing well).
If your grandson is mostly happy and has such tantrums once in a while: keep him safe during the tantrums and model staying calm. If you feel that aggressive behavior during his tantrums gets more severe or frequent over the next months, a child mental health expert could help figure out what exactly is going on and how to help your grandson.
Please know that Little Otter is available to help and offers easy access to assessments, parent coaching, and referrals to clinical specialists. I also recommend taking our free three-question tantrum assessment to learn more information about what his tantrums could be telling you.
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