My 10-Year-Old Daughter is Being Bullied. What Can I Do?
As a parent, it can be difficult to know what to do when your child is being bullied. In this post, you’ll learn tips about how to respond and when to worry.
This post is part of our Ask a Child Psychologist series, where we answer anonymized questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to bullying. Please take care when reading.
What can you do if your child is being bullied? That’s exactly the question posed to us by one parent, who shared that their daughter had a conflict with a “more popular” child at school, and was subsequently being bullied by them. To avoid those interactions, the daughter avoids areas of the school and skips some school mealtimes.
Sound familiar? If so, we’re here to help. The reality is, bullying impacts approximately one in five school-aged children. The good news is that there are things we can do to aid our children in navigating these difficult situations.
In this article, our team of child mental health experts provide insights about how to support a child in this situation, and when to seek additional help.
Is it normal for children to worry about social status?
The Center for Disease Control defines bullying as “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) by another youth or group of youths, who are not siblings or current dating partners, that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance, and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.” Perceived power and social status is at the heart of bullying.
As children enter early adolescence, it is normal to experience fears and worries around relationships with her peers; at this age, children begin to differentiate themselves and separate from their caregivers.
We want to pay attention to stressful interactions that occur between children, which may indicate that children are experiencing bullying.
If your child uses the term bullying at home, assess and ask more questions about the context. It’s important to understand the difference between bullying and typical peer conflict.
What to do when your child is being bullied.
While we can’t provide a one-size fits all answer to how to respond to bullying, we can provide a few recommendations that may point you in the right direction:
Dedicate time to one-on-one conversations with your child. Let them know that they’re not alone, there is nothing wrong with them, and you are there to support them. During these conversations, you can continue to validate feelings, as well as work towards identifying one or more adults at school with whom your child can connect in the event of a distressing experience.
Facilitate school support. Given the ongoing nature of the bullying behaviors, it is important for you to alert school staff. Based on what your child shares and how they want to proceed, it will be important to inform their teacher, school guidance counselor, and/or principal. Enforcing rules around behavior in schools, establishing communications between families and schools, and having open conversations about bullying with children have been shown to decrease bullying.
Model and share how to treat others with kindness and respect. For example, you could discuss the following questions together: 1) When was a time that you handled conflict well? 2) Can you remember a time when you could have handled conflict better?
In addition, it can be valuable to celebrate the close connection you have with your child. After all, it’s a sign of strength that they’re willing to communicate with you about this situation.
We recently released a bullying toolkit to help families navigate bullying. You can download it for free!
When to worry about bullying in school.
Even though bullying is common, that doesn’t mean we should take it any less seriously. Research shows that children who are bullied may be more likely to experience anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, decreased academic performance, and health complaints.
In this case, more information is needed to fully assess the best course of action, and understand if it’s time to seek additional help.
That said, if you’re noticing that your child is avoiding certain people and places, we want to pay attention. While avoidance is a normal and natural response to stress, it is typically an indication that additional support is needed.
Additional resources about bullying in school
Here are a few additional resources that may help:
[Blog] 15 Warning Signs of Bullying
[Free Download] Bullying Toolkit
Little Otter is available in select states for evaluation. We also offer parent coaching, and child therapeutic services as needed. You could also consider speaking to your pediatrician, who may have additional recommendations for child specialists in your area.
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Submit your questions here. Remember, you can choose to remain anonymous if you’d prefer.
