This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to death, suicide, and depression. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent who was worried about their child’s interest in death and communication about dying. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“I’m concerned about my child’s strange behavior. They say weird things like ‘I’m going to lock all the doors and kill myself,’ or ‘I hate myself,’ if and when someone gets upset with them. They also ask to watch shows that have to do with death. Should I be worried?”

- Anonymous

Thank you for sharing. I assume your child is young (before puberty), given the context of what you write and that they have seen movies shows with death content before.

Hating themselves when someone is upset is not abnormal: most children (even adults) are very quick to shame when given negative feedback. Negative feedback might include a parent’s disappointment (even if silent), a parent saying words that kids can interpret as having failed in some way, a parent being upset in ways that include rage (like yelling). Shame, which is the feeling of “being no good,” is a feeling of self-loathing.

Related to the statements about killing themselves and being into death themes: that is certainly something we are also concerned about.

There are a few situations where young children can make such statements if there is grief:

• A grandparent died and the child may think that killing themselves would allow a reunion with that loved grandparent.

• Another situation when a young child might make such a statement would be when they’re very distraught about death as they grow up and realize that it is going to happen to every human including them.

If either of those situations are the case, I would open conversations about death and say things that will reassure your child, such as: “Yes, death happens to everyone. At the same time, people do not die till they are done living.” This is an answer that adults would not find reassuring, but is reassuring for a very young child because of the way they see the world at that age.

Another reason young children make statements about killing themselves or death can be that they are depressed.

If you worry that this is the case for your child, we recommend talking to your child’s primary care provider and to also remember that Little Otter is available to help children and their families by providing resources and services that can support normal development or help with stabilizing mental health difficulties.

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