How Can I Help My 9-Year-Old Manage His Anxiety & Aggression?
This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. It deals with subjects related to anxiety and aggression. Please take care when reading.
We recently received a question from a parent wondering how to respond to their 9-year-old’s emotions when his routine is disrupted. Here’s the question, and a response from our team of child mental and behavioral health professionals:
“I have a 9-year-old son who is very anxious. Lately, the situation has gotten worse. He loves his routine. Since he lost it, we’re seeing aggression, screaming, and frustration. For example, if we stop the TV, he gets upset and kicks. What can we do?”
- C., Quebec
Thank you for reaching out. It appears that you are concerned about your son's difficulties related to changes in his routine.
It is not uncommon for anxiety to look like anger in children, or even in adults.
You mention that your child loves routine (and lost it?). One thing that may help is to realize that he could get used to another routine. It's not so much about finding the perfect routine, as much as understanding that children can be soothed by knowing what to expect and when. This is what a routine provides, and I would recommend creating one for your son. He might protest at first, but he should eventually learn to accept the structure of his new routine.
For example, you could incorporate TV time into the new routine (e.g., we watch TV from 4:00 to 4:45pm). Once the routine is developed, it will be important to stick to it. At first, your son may be frustrated, but once he learns what to expect, he will become calmer.
If you are worried that this is just the tip of the iceberg and you wonder whether your child should receive an evaluation, or if you would like more support from a parent specialist, please remember that Little Otter has many additional resources to help your family.
Additional Resources
“My 9-Year-Old Shuts Down Completely When He Gets Upset. What Can I Do?”
5 Tips to Help Your Child Deal with Back to School Anxiety During COVID-19
Plus, A Note about COVID-19 and Routine Change:
We’ve seen that COVID-19 has impacted the routine of many families, first with the shutdowns, and now with things opening back up. Here is a short video from Dr. Helen Egger about what you can expect as we emerge from the pandemic-related lockdowns:
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