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This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to anger, aggression, and/or tantrums. Please take care when reading.
We recently received a question from a parent about their son’s aggression and violent tantrums when upset. Below is the question, and a response from our child mental health experts:
“I’m worried and wondering why my 5 year old gets violent when we take something from him, like his game when he is being bad. He hits, stomps, and curses. He may hit animals or a person nearby, including his parents, grandparents, and siblings. I don’t know how to get him to stop. Any advice?”
- Anonymous
Thank you for reaching out; this is a great first step to better understand your five year-old’s behavior and get the help and tools to support him. It sounds like you are worried about your son, who gets violent in some contexts but not in others. It also sounds like you are not sure how to stop him when his behavior becomes violent.
Without more specific details surrounding your son’s behavior (e.g., what you mean when you say he is “being bad,” or the nature of your responses in these moments), I can only provide some general comments:
It is not unusual for children your son’s age to still have temper tantrums. Temper tantrums often mean: “I am losing it because I am overwhelmed and can’t figure out my emotions, which are painful right now.”
At the same time, your son is nearing the age when children begin to express their needs and emotions better. It is not unusual for young children to kick, stomp, or curse, but if your son does this frequently and doesn’t learn to replace these behaviors with better coping alternatives (e.g., taking a break, using his words to express frustration), this could be cause for concern. We linked a few articles that provide ideas for how to respond to outbursts below.
Based on what you described, it might be a good idea to either discuss your child’s behavior with your primary care provider or, alternatively, consider contacting Little Otter. We would help you understand your son’s development and the possible meaning of his behaviors. We offer a number of services including screening, parent coaching, and referrals to therapeutic services if needed.
If you feel like your son’s tantrums are severe, Little Otter also offers a free temper tantrum assessment for children aged 2-6.
Thank you for trusting us with your question.
Additional Resources
- Free Temper Tantrum Assessment: Learn When to Worry about Your Child’s Temper Tantrums
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