How Can I Help My 5-Year-Old Son Understand His Emotions and Manage What Appears to Be an Anxious Tic?

This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent asking about how to help their 5-year-old son understand his own emotions, and manage what appears to be a tic. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“I have two, possibly related, questions:

1.  My 5-year-old son says that he's sad but doesn't know why almost daily, and usually in the evenings. I can sense some sadness but he's unable to pinpoint what is bothering him. (This makes my heart ache.)

2.  He also keeps slightly pulling his pants down and tucking his t-shirt in. He says they bother him. I feel like it became some kind of tic? He does it repeatedly without noticing.

Like everyone, he went through a lot of changes this year. We moved due to COVID which means new school, new friends etc. Can you provide any guidance? Thanks for the help!”

- Anonymous

Thank you for reaching out.

Is your son a child who is good at labeling his emotions? There is a wide range of capacity on the dimensions of expressing emotions and understanding what emotions are about. This is especially true at a young age where “why” questions about feelings are very hard to answer.

If your child is generally expressive of emotional themes, then it might be best to try a storytelling approach: pick a story where a character gets sad (like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh) and see if telling you son something like “Oh boy, Eeyore is really sad, what do you think happened to him?” helps your son express himself. If you have an intuition that his sadness is related to pandemic conditions, you could also gently try: “I wonder if Eeyore is just a bit sad that he does not see his friends in school,” or “I wonder if Eeyore is sad that he moved?”

Feel free to adapt this guidance to your son and family; if he’s never heard of Eeyore, pick a character he knows.

Regarding the tucking: you are right that it could be a tic.

Tics are not uncommon in children and can come and go. They are also amplified by anxiety. My advice regarding this would be to consult your son’s primary care provider, so they can observe the behavior and offer their input.

We hope this helps. Please keep in mind that Little Otter is available should you be interested in support for you and your family. We offer a range of easily accessible services, ranging from support and optimization of child development to specialized mental health services.

‍