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This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to gender identity and exploration. Please take care when reading.
We recently received a question from a mom asking about her son’s behaviors, and wondering if they may indicate gender confusion, gender identity, or sexuality. Below is the question, and a response from our child mental health experts:
“I am worried - and am somewhat ashamed of being worried - that my 3.5 year old son is experiencing gender confusion. He always picks the girl superheros to pretend to be. He has expressed a desire several times to wear a dress, and when I ask if he wanted to be a girl or a boy, he said a girl.
I will love him no matter what, but I would be a liar if I said that I didn’t care if he is gay or not. I don’t want him to be gay, this is true. But if he is, I will have no other choice but to accept it. Can you tell me if these behaviors are typical when a child is going to be gay or transgender?”
- J., California
Thank you for contacting Little Otter.
I think you are absolutely correct that the important thing is to accept your child the way he is.
At his young age, the kind of behaviors and statements you describe (when persistent and consistent over time) are strongly but not absolutely associated with being gay.
However, research does not inform us at this point on how strongly these behaviors predict that your child will want to transition to a female gender.
What many studies suggest is that in young children, many of these behaviors change with development and are not as stable as when a child manifests them after puberty.
I would also say that you would benefit from support to navigate your concerns and fears. Please remember that Little Otter offers support, resources and services to families in California.
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