How Can I Deal With My 4-Year-Old Son’s Frequent Tantrums?
This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with issues related to temper tantrums and aggression. Please take care when reading.
Temper tantrums, particularly if they become violent, can spark a little concern. Here’s what our team of child mental health experts had to say:
“My 4-year-old son has frequent tantrums, sometimes multiple a day. We've experienced a lot of upheaval; he's just at home for the most part, after going to preschool for 2 years. We're now splitting our time between our home and my mother's to get help with childcare. He throws fits whenever he’s told to wait, or not granted his wish for a dessert, but his largest, most violent tantrums have been when I tried to set up playdates so I could get a break and work. Any advice?”
- Anonymous
Thank you for reaching out to us about your concern. I know it’s difficult and frustrating when your child is experiencing tantrums and you’re unsure what to do.
Without knowing the cause of your upheaval, I know at least in part that the pandemic has changed routines and made day to day predictability hard for most families right now. It sounds like you have tried to do the best you can to provide a new normal and also balance your current responsibilities.
A complete change in routine and predictability can be really hard for small children to understand and can take some time for them to make an adjustment. Sometimes this lack of control in what was once predictable can result in taking control of other things.
One way to help with this can be to give choices to him when you can. This can be something as simple as asking if he wants a fork or spoon during dinner, or can be a bigger choice like if he wants to stay with you or grandma (if that is a real option). Letting him give input and control when possible may help decrease these instances of fits and tantrums that you described.
However, if after consistently sharing control and not seeing a change, please consider reaching out to Little Otter for support. Little Otter can provide resources to learn more about typical development and can also support you if more assessment is needed.
Additional Resources
Do you have a question you’d like to ask a child psychologist?
Submit your questions here. Remember, you can choose to remain anonymous if you’d prefer.
