This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. It deals with subjects related to speech delays and aggression. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent asking about how to respond to their son’s aggressive behavior in response to being told “no.” Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“My son bites and hits me when he’s angry, is told ‘no,’ or is asked to wait for something. He has a speech delay, but he does say some words. I’m trying to get him into speech therapy to better communicate, and I do read to him. Do you have any advice for how to respond to this behavior?”

- L., Pennsylvania

Thank you for reaching out. I imagine that your son is very young.

It is not unusual for little kids to express their frustrations with behaviors like biting or hitting. You are absolutely right to want to get him into speech therapy, as not being able to express yourself is a frustration.

This is particularly important for young children whose frustration often manifests as aggression when they cannot communicate their feelings well.

That said, his frustration can be redirected. With little kids, you want to show alternate ways of touching. Hitting can be followed by taking his hand and lightly placing it where he hit you, showing him how to touch gently. Especially if your son’s speech is delayed, just use a simple word like “gentle, gentle.”

It’s great that you read to your son. I would recommend books that are at his current vocabulary level, or slightly above (teachers call this the zone of proximal development--you push kids to the next level).

Some parents teach simple sign language to their children who have speech delays for the purpose of helping them communicate more effectively. There are resources online to teach your child, or you can ask your primary care provider or future speech therapist for their recommendations.

Also remember that Little Otter has many resources available. Here is a tantrum assessment if you would like additional information regarding your child’s behavior when he is angry.

Additional Resources

• Free Temper Tantrum Assessment: Learn When to Worry about Your Child’s Temper Tantrum

• Toddler Aggression: When to Worry and How to Respond [Blog]

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