This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to gender identity and exploration. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a mom asking about her son’s behaviors, and wondering if they may indicate changing gender expression or identity. Below is the question, and a response from our child mental health experts:

“My 6-year-old son (diagnosed with ASD and ADHD) seems to have developed what appears to be a "crush" on an older boy (3rd grader) in his school.

The older boy is the brother of one of his classmates, and until now my son has never openly expressed this kind of interest in a schoolmate before. He's wondering how the boy's day is, asking for a playdate (with just the brother), saying he stood close to him "waiting to be noticed" at recess, and feel nervous about talking to him. This has thrown me for a loop since my son is so young.

I'm curious to get any thoughts you have and if you think it might be indicative of future preferences? I will love and support my son no matter what, but I am struggling a bit with how to respond and worry for what the future holds. Any resources you think might be helpful would be great.”

- L., California

Thank you for contacting Little Otter!

We know how worrisome it can be for parents to have questions about their child’s sexual orientation and are so glad you reached out.

It is clear how much love you have for your child, and that as a parent it is your natural instinct to want to protect your son from bullying or other unkind reactions from others.  

Human development is full of changes and just like any other part of your child’s development, sexuality is a lifelong process.

Exploring sexual orientation is like any other developmental exploration; children will try on different versions of themselves and see how they like it, how they feel, and also observe the response they get from the people around them. Children at your son’s age prefer to almost exclusively socialize with their own gender and also pick up on the subtle and not-so-subtle responses and expectations around how their family, school, and community respond to who they like and how they should act. 

The most important protective factor for your child’s healthy development is what you mentioned is already important to you; that your son feel accepted and supported no matter how he chooses to show up in the world. Your love is the best medicine.  

You also mentioned that your child currently carries diagnoses of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Both ASD and ADHD are related to your child’s brain development and potentially impact how they socialize and communicate with others. It speaks to your little kiddo’s strengths and superpowers that he is engaging with his social world and sharing with you how he feels about it!

If you feel as though your child could benefit from additional social skills support, your pediatrician and your child’s school are great resources to find groups in your area. For example, if your child has an IEP or 504 accommodation plan at school, targeted social skills services can be addressed as part of your child's educational supports.

If you’d like additional support for your and your child’s mental health and wellness, Little Otter is also available to support your family.

Additional Resources

• How to Talk With Your Children about Pride Month [Blog]

• Healthy Gender Development and Young Children: A Guide for Early Childhood Programs and Professionals

• Celebrate Pride with these 4 Book Recommendations [Blog]

• All about ADHD [Free Guide]

• 6 Tips for Talking to Your Child about Gender and Sexual Identity [Blog]

Do you have a question you’d like to ask a child psychologist?

Submit your questions here. Remember, you can choose to remain anonymous if you’d prefer.