Let’s be honest: being a parent or caregiver is stressful and exhausting! While there are plenty of joyful moments, there are also times where you may want to rip your hair out or just shut the door.

Many parents will experience mental fatigue and parental burnout. If you’re feeling this way, know that you’re not alone and that support exists for you.

If you’re feeling foggy, slow to process situations, disconnected from your loved ones, or just plain irritable, it’s time to check in with yourself.

These feelings don’t make you a “bad” parent; they’re natural signals that you may be experiencing parental burnout and need extra support.

And you’re not alone. Many parents feel this way.

Even though COVID-19 appears to be in the rearview mirror, this pandemic has made parenting much more difficult and the effects may be long-lasting.

A study conducted by Little Otter last fall of more than 700 families found that the pandemic had adverse effects on caregiver mental health:

• Approximately 50% scored positive for generalized anxiety; that means that 50% of caregivers were likely experiencing anxiety that impaired their ability to fully function.

• Nearly a quarter of caregivers scored positively for depression. 

These rates are consistent with other studies about how the pandemic impacted adult mental health. 

Even before the pandemic, women were twice as likely as men to experience depression or an anxiety disorder. As we’ve seen, the pandemic severely impacted women, particularly mothers, who have disproportionately shouldered the demands of childcare, online school, work, and caring for ailing family members. Our data suggest these demands may also be increasing risks for maternal depression and anxiety, which we know is a risk factor for children experiencing mental health challenges.

Taking care of yourself and addressing parental burnout matters not only for your own wellness, but also for your child’s mental health and overall wellness.

Trauma, compounding stressors, and mental health challenges all impact a parent’s ability to be emotionally connected with their children and family. When we’re overwhelmed, we get exhausted and shut down. In those moments, we simply can’t be the caregiver to ourselves or our loved ones that we want - and need - to be. 

Let’s take a closer look at parental burnout, and then some tips for how to address it.

Learn the 3 categories of parental burnout.

Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that results from overwhelming and long-lasting stress.

There are three categories of parental burnout: exhaustion, detachment, and feeling ineffective. 

Here are some symptoms of each of these types of parental burnout:

• Exhaustion.

  • Never feeling recharged or energized.

  • Feeling like you’re always in survival mode, which leads to more exhaustion.

  • Disordered sleeping, which leads to more exhaustion

• Detachment or emotional distancing from children.

  • Feeling detached or disconnected from your children.

  • Operating on autopilot.

  • Not taking pleasure in day-to-day parenting activities and interactions that previously provided joy or satisfaction.

  • Enduring a vicious cycle wherein you don’t feel loving to children, which may lead to guilt and further detachment.

• Feeling ineffective.

  • Feeling inefficient or ineffective.

  • Feeling inadequate.

  • Feeling like a “bad” or ineffective parent.

It’s important to know that parental burnout is different from depression. 

Depression is characterized by feelings of sadness, loss of interest in daily life or activities that you previously enjoyed, feelings of hopelessness and/or helplessness, changes in sleep and/or appetite, and suicidal thoughts. 

Burnout, on the other hand, tends to be directly related to your job or your family responsibilities. The symptoms may feel much the same as depression, but there is one key difference: burnout is situation-,  or context-, specific.

That means that if you can change the context, such as by hiring a nanny or taking a weekend away, the burned out parent will be able to rest and begin to rejuvenate.

How does parental burnout impact children?

Of these three, “detachment” is the burnout factor with the most negative impact on children.

When parents cannot be attuned to their child and foster a loving relationship, this adversely impacts children’s emotional development and puts the child at risk for mental health challenges.

Tips for reducing parental burnout.

The best way to address parental burnout is to try to prevent it from happening. That means ensuring that you have a strong support system as a parent or caregiver that can fill your proverbial cup. 

Think about your whole self, and try to make sure that your emotional, physical, mental, and social wellbeing are all being cared for. It also means taking quiet time to check in with yourself, bring awareness to your feelings and behaviors, and even practice things like gratitude or mindfulness. 

If you’re currently experiencing parental burnout, the most important thing is to adjust your situation so that you have room to relax, reconnect, and renew.

You may need to be vulnerable with your partner or adult loved ones, and ask for help. You may also want to seek parenting support (akin to coaching or therapy) from a trustworthy external partner. Other ways to change your context include:

• Taking time away without parenting or caregiving responsibilities.

• Reorganizing your schedule to allow for personal time to exercise, read, relax, or otherwise take care of your own wellbeing.

• Scheduling adults-only time with friends and family, like book club, dinner with friends, or simply going for a walk together.

• Seeking support from caregiving and home care professionals, such as a nanny, housekeeping company, or meal preparation service.

Your options are almost endless, and taking the time to address parental burnout can transform your relationship with your family.

Know that parental burnout can be addressed and that support exists for you. Just because you may feel stuck, doesn’t mean you are.

Little Otter is proud to provide whole-family mental health care that includes parenting support, as well as therapy for kids and adults. We’re here for you, to help you navigate tough times and make measurable progress toward the future you envision for yourself and your family.

Learn more and join Little Otter here.