This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to separation and grief. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent looking for guidance on how to help their daughter process a father’s absence. Below is the question, and a response from one of our child mental health experts:

“How can I help my daughter cope with her father leaving and abandoning us? She misses him quite often, and I do my best to explain to her what happened but I know it’s a tough concept for her to grasp. I just want to know what else I can do to help her deal with everything.”

- Anonymous

This is a good question and I applaud you for recognizing how challenging this loss is for your daughter. I also want to commend you for taking the time to explain and answer questions she may have regarding her father’s absence. 

I am not sure how old your daughter is, but depending on her age, and the way in which her father left, this separation could be fairly significant. 

When a caregiver leaves, and is no longer in contact with a child, a deep absence is felt.

If her father was previously part of her daily life, then this is similar to a loss or death for her. Also, depending on your relationship with her father, she may feel some confusion about how to express her thoughts and feelings. For example, if there was tension or strain in the relationship prior to his leaving, then she may be protecting some of her feelings, or might even wonder if she contributed to his leaving. These are some typical feelings and reactions a child may experience. 

Generally with loss in children, we give it a couple of months to see how their feelings and behavior change. If it has been a few months and you are still seeing that your daughter is struggling with her emotions or behavior, I would consider contacting a child therapist to support her ability to cope with the loss.  You could start by talking to your pediatrician, who may be able to connect you with a qualified professional in your area.

You may also consider Little Otter—we offer parent coaching, and have child therapists available as needed. Finally, depending on your child’s age, I may recommend the following books:

• Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You by Nancy Tillman

• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

• No Matter What by Debi Gliori

Please do not hesitate to contact us at Little Otter. Or, you can register to join Little Otter here.

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