This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with parental separation, anxiety, and depression. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a parent wondering whether children can experience significant and long-term psychological impacts as a result of their parent’s separation. Here’s the question, and an in-depth answer from our team of child mental and behavioral health professionals:

“Are there a significant and long term psychological effects to kids 2-5 years old when parents get separated? If yes, what can those be?”

- M., California

Thank you for reaching out to Little Otter. For your important question, the answer really lies in the details:

Children that age are routine-bound and ideally live in a consistent nurturing world composed of familiar caretakers (i.e. family or school). They are sensitive to routine changes and to the loss of a caretakers presence, especially if they feel that the loss means they are unloved/less loved.

So there are conditions of separation that make it much easier and less harmful for young children:

1. Reassurance of love and care by caretakers (use of FaceTime or other technology, regular visits);

2. Making all possible efforts to avoid openly conflictual separation where one parent says negative things about the other within ear reach of the child or engage in nonverbal parental behavior that clearly communicates conflict;

3. Explaining new routines and life variables clearly and repeatedly to help a child adapt. Keep in mind that repetition may be needed until a child understands. A one time explanation will never suffice at this age.

4. Encouraging the child to express feelings.

In terms of effects, research shows that high-conflict divorce or separation can have negative effects on psychological functioning, including a higher risk of depression, anxiety and behavior problems. Conversely, a respectful separation where child co-parenting/nurturing is a priority appears to be well-tolerated by most children.

I hope this helps and that you know you can reach out to Little Otter again!

Additional Resources

• “How Can I Help My Kids Cope with My Recent Divorce?”

• Emily’s Blue Period, by Cathleen Daly on Amazon

• Register for Little Otter here!

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