This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with issues related to separation anxiety. Please take care when reading.

When should you worry about your child’s unwillingness to be alone, also sometimes known as separation anxiety? One parent wrote to us to express her concerns. Here’s how our child therapists responded:

“My child refuses to be alone, particularly from me as her mother, but also from her father. She is 5 years old. She does have siblings, but is very attached to us, her parents.

It impairs her everyday normal life. She won’t sleep alone. If we enforce a bedtime, she will cry or stay awake until we fall asleep and then sneak her way into our bedroom in the middle of the night. She wants to be with us every moment of the day, and rebels if we stop her. Should we worry about this, and if so, what should we do?”

- P., Georgia

Thank you for your question. It sounds like your child may be experiencing some separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety is not an uncommon occurrence given her age, but it is something you will want to help her overcome.

Can you remember if there was a specific event that led to her refusal to be alone? Has she always been a child who needed to be close to you and your partner?

It is likely that she has internalized some fear about what will happen if she is separated from either of you. You can start by having a conversation about this to see if she can articulate her worry (e.g., that one of you will get sick, that one of you won’t come home). She might also be able to communicate her feelings through art (e.g., having her draw how she feels when you are away from her).

If you feel that your efforts are not enough and you would like additional support, you could consider Little Otter for parent coaching.

You would be able to provide more details and receive some additional guidance regarding strategies to decrease your daughter’s anxiety related to being separated from you two.

Additional Resources

• At What Age Does Separation Anxiety Peak in Infants and Children?

• Common Signs of Anxiety in Children of Every Age

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