7 Alternatives to Spanking When Your Kiddos Misbehave
Your kiddos can’t be perfect every minute of every day. So as a parent, how should you respond?
Spanking is one relatively common (and controversial) way parents respond when their children misbehave. More than a third of parents spanked their children in 2017.
A recent study found that spanking didn’t improve the behavior of those being spanked. Instead, the study found that spanking appeared to exacerbate the unwanted behavior.
Keep reading to learn 7 real alternatives to spanking.
Little Otter Co-Founder Dr. Helen Egger spoke with Well + Good to discuss:
The most recent research about spanking
Impacts of spanking on kids and parents
Risks related to spanking
7 effective alternatives to spanking
Here’s a quick summary of seven alternatives to spanking:
1. Redefine your relationship to discipline
Children don’t want to be bad - they want to have a relationship with you and make you happy. Research shows that physical punishment can negatively impact children’s self-esteem, and doesn’t help them do better next time. Instead of spanking, try to think about what factors contributed to the behavior and communicate with them.
2. Catch your children being good
Focus on praising your kids when they do something kind or nice! This is proven to help kids understand and improve their behavior.
3. Use 'do' phrases instead of 'don't'
Dr. Egger recommends reframing your reprimands into a positive light. For example, Dr. Egger says, “You might replace ‘stop running’ with ‘use your walking feet’ or ‘don't do that’ with ‘make a good choice.’”
4. Practice your ABC's
Dr. Egger also shares that it’s a good idea to think of your ABC’s:
What came before the incident (Antecedents)?
What actually happened (Behavior)?
What are the results going to be (Consequences)?
This can help you anticipate situations that might trigger your child’s bad behavior, and be better prepared to help prevent it.
5. Ignore the small stuff
One of those surprising alternatives? Ignoring the small stuff.
"When possible, ignore children’s behaviors, but do not ignore...the child’s feelings," says Dr. Egger. "If your child is having a tantrum because you took away a toy that they were throwing, you should acknowledge his feeling angry (there are no right or wrong feelings) in a matter-of-fact way and then move on. You might say, 'I am going to water the plants. When you are ready, I would like to do that together.' Or pick up a book to read to the child."
6. Notice your own bad behavior
As a parent, it’s important to be aware of your own behavior - including the bad moments. That way, you can anticipate moments where you might feel like spanking, and develop different strategies.
7. Keep learning new parenting tools
It’s a myth that parenting is all about intuition. Parenting is all about constant learning, and trying to get a little better every day.