3 Signs it’s Time to “Break Up” with a Mom Friend
For many mothers, friendships with other moms and mother figures are critical. They’re your community, your support system, your sounding board, and your relief. Unfortunately, sometimes these friendships don’t last forever.
In this post, you’ll learn 3 signs that it might be time to “break up” with a mom friend and how to handle the breakup.
In a recent conversation with Rachel Morgan Cautero of Mother Untitled, Little Otter’s Dr. Helen Egger provided expertise about how to create distance with a mom friend when your children don’t get along.
3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Mom Friend
Here are three simple signs it may be time to breakup with a mom-friend:
You feel anxious before you get together. If you’re feeling anxious before meeting up for a playdate between you and another mom-friend, and your children, try to consider why. For example, aggression between children is a common reason why mom-friends choose to “breakup.” While aggression is a natural part of child development, it can be a source of stress. Sometimes you can wait it out. Other times, it may be time to break up.
Your parenting styles or values aren’t aligned. It can be difficult to maintain relationships with mom friends and families that have a very different parenting style and values.
Your child tells you they don’t want to play with your mom-friend’s child. If your child is telling you they don’t like playing with another child, listen and try to understand why. It may be that your children don’t get along, and that’s reason enough to create some space.
It’s important to tune in to yourself and consider whether this friendship is really right for you at this time in your life. If you’ve determined that it’s time to break up, here are three tips for navigating that transition.
5 Tips for Navigating a Mom-Friend Breakup
It’s never easy to create distance in a previously close relationship, even when you know it’s necessary.
Set clear boundaries. If you have concerns about your children getting along and your relationship with another mom, start by setting clear boundaries. It can be as simple as sending a text before the playdate about behavior between the children or one another that you’ve noticed and would like to limit.
Try bringing play close to home. Before establishing a break. Dr. Egger recommends bringing playtime closer to home. This way, you can evaluate the playtime more clearly and provide more oversight if necessary.
Frame it as taking a break. Sometimes, mom-friend breakups are temporary! A short break can provide the space you need to reset and re-evaluate.
Communicate with her without bring shame into the conversation. If your children aren’t meshing well, chances are, it’s hard on her, too. As you communicate with your mom-friend, be intentional about avoiding shaming language.
Build a relationship outside of your children. Just because your children don’t get along, doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with other moms. If you still want to be friends with this other mom, you can foster a relationship in groups and outside of your children’s relationship to one another.