This post is part of a series where our team of child mental health professionals answer real questions submitted by readers like you. This post deals with topics related to tantrums and toileting. Please take care when reading.

We recently received a question from a father worried about his two-year-old’s tantrums related to wearing a diaper. Below is the question, and a response from our child mental health experts:

“My daughter is a little over 2 years old, and for the past month she resists wanting a diaper on and wants to put clothes on by herself. She will have a 10-15 min tantrum if we force her to put a diaper on. She has also resisted being the in the car seat with the straps securely fastened. Are there underlying sensory issues we should be concerned about?”

- K., California

Thank you for contacting Little Otter.

It can be frustrating when children have tantrums or demonstrate resistance to important hygiene and safety activities! From your message, it sounds like your daughter is not fully potty trained and, consequently, it is essential for her to wear a diaper during the day. However, if this is not the case and she is ready to begin potty training, the following suggestions may not be relevant.

First, if you are concerned about sensory issues, it may be helpful to speak with your daughter's pediatrician regarding your concerns.

However, here are a few tips to try:

• Remain calm! We know that it can be challenging for parents to remain calm when their children are ramping up; however, it will be easier for her to regulate her emotions when your emotions are regulated, too.

• Regarding diaper changes, it may be helpful to rule out any medical concerns like sensitive skin or rashes. Your pediatrician will be able to assist with this determination. If you feel like this is a behavioral issue, you can try creating a visual schedule so that your daughter is better able to anticipate the steps of getting ready in the morning. For example, you can have pictures of: 1) cuddling with mom or dad, 2) changing diapers, 3) getting dressed, etc. When she does what is asked, make sure to celebrate by giving her a high-five, hug, and labeling what she did well (i.e., "Thank you SO MUCH for helping daddy put on your diaper. You're such a big girl!")

• When in the car, it's OK to ignore attention-seeking behaviors like whining or some resistance. When your daughter sits in her car seat quietly without resistance, again, make sure to praise this behavior!

If you’re worried about your daughter’s tantrums, you can take this free 3-question temper tantrum assessment, designed by Little Otter’s team of clinical experts.

If you’d like additional support for your and your child’s mental health and wellness, Little Otter is also available to support your family.

Additional Resources

• Free Temper Tantrum Assessment: Learn When to Worry about Your Child’s Temper Tantrums

• A Complete Guide to Temper Tantrums [Detailed Guide]

• Temper Tantrums & Your Child’s Mental Health [Blog]

• Are My Kid’s Tantrums Abnormal? [New York Times]

  • Dr. Helen Egger, Little Otter’s Co-Founder, spoke with the New York Times about how to tell if your child’s tantrums are abnormal, and shared her research about whether aggressive tantrums indicate a mental health concern.

  • The article explains that, “if your child has severe tantrums nearly every day, and those tantrums include kicking, hitting, biting or breaking things, he or she is eight times more likely to have a disorder, according to Dr. Egger’s research.”

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